I scream for whatever it's worth: "THERE IS A FULL MOON IN F*CKING CAPRICORN!"
Processing the July 21st news cycle (Kamala is brat) and a "recipe" for that perfect day in the company of incredible progressive women when The News breaks
An Imprecise and Precisely Perfect Recipe for Hearing Unprecedented Political News in the Year 2024
Ingredients:
4 to 6 progressive Millennial women
1 wise mother of one of the Millennials who gently and sagely guides the feral Millennials through their emotions
1 Midwestern father of one of the Millennials who knows the perfect moment to hop in the car for a snack run
2 small, adorable, sassy dogs
A case of rosé (a mix of still and sparkling)
Cute little pink plastic wine glasses
Bose speaker blasting primarily Taylor Swift, and have on hand for additional spice: Sabrina Carpenter, Olivia Rodrigo, Chappell Roan, and Beyoncé
SPF to taste
A pool (any pool will do!)
Salty schnacks, such as jalapeño kettle chips and door dashed sammies or quesadillas
Some sort of astrological event, preferably a full moon
Instructions:
Pre-heat the weather to an 89° sunny summer day with at least 50% humidity (JULY IN HOUSTON), macro-economic unease, political exhaustion, deep skepticism, and general despair of the state of things. Put to boil a delightful, joyous reason for the women to gather, and let them simmer in that delight and joy to temporarily disassociate and/or distract from such conditions. (A BELATED BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION, COMPLETE WITH SURPRISE TICKETS FOR THE BIRTHDAY GIRL FOR A MISSY ELLIOTT/ CIARA/ TIMBALAND/ BUSTA RHYMES CONCERT THE NIGHT BEFORE THIS RECIPE IS USED.)
Prior to entering the pool, temper the women with lively gossip of any sort (personal, political, work, or some combination of all three). Pour their initial sippies of rosé so as to not alarm the sensibilities—you can slowly increase to full glass pours as the day moves on. In the middle of said lively gossip, ensure the trustworthy woman (THE VIRGO OF THE GROUP, IDEALLY) checks her news app, sees unprecedented political news, gasps as her jaw hits the floor, and breathlessly announces said news to the room. (BIDEN DROPS OUT OF 2024 RACE.)
Allow the women to titter excitedly. Ensure you have at least one Woo Woo Astrology Girl familiar enough with that day’s transits to point out why the stars aligned for this specific moment. Fold in with The Girl Who Has Wherewithal to Capture Things on Camera, so such enlightened information is captured. If you’re lucky, you might even record a ridiculous catch phrase on video, which you can use to keep the women giggling all day long. (THE WOO WOO GEMINI EXCLAIMS, “THERE IS A FULL MOON IN F*CKING CAPRICORN” AS IF THAT EXPLAINS EVERYTHING. IT’S ME, HI.)
Pour in more laughter, exclamations of disbelief, and ample speculation about the fallout. (WILL IT BE KAMALA? YES PROBABLY. WHO WILL BE HER VP? SOME WHITE DUDE, MAYBE THE GOVERNOR OF PENNSYLVANIA OR MAYOR PETE. WE SHOULD BRACE OURSELVES FOR THE SEXISM AND RACISM FROM THE GOP. *AUDIBLE GROANS FROM EVERYONE.*)
Sprinkle the progressive women into the pool at varying times throughout the afternoon. Ensure they never have an empty glass of rosé and that they continue to hydrate. (THEY ARE ELDER MILLENNIALS AFTER ALL.) Two hours into this recipe, activate the chronically online woman (THE SAGITTARIUS OF THE GROUP, OF COURSE) to audibly live tweet all the incredible memes. (KAMALA IS BRAT.) Feed them sporadically to ensure their nice easy rosé buzz never spirals into a full-blown drunk before dusk. You will know the buzz is at the perfect point of consistency because the Woo Woo Astrology Girl will suggest the group hold hands in the pool and manifest for each girl, and the rest of the group, skeptical as they may have been pre-rosé, enthusiastically agrees.
Top off the day in true witch form by pulling cards, eating more snacks, gushing over the two precious dogs gallivanting around the perimeter of the pool, and expressing love and adoration and utter bewilderment that The News dropped in such a perfect environment and a perfect time.
And, remember: this dish is best served at “brat” temperature—ice cold, just like the diet coke in their Stanley cups.
In all seriousness, Sunday, July 21, 2024, was a DAY. I was in Houston for a quick weekend trip for my dear friend Natalia’s birthday—a belated celebration where we surprised her with concert tickets to Missy Elliott & co., who were playing the Toyota Center that Saturday.
We spent Sunday at her parents’ pool, which is where we were when we heard the news about Biden dropping out of the race. Multiple times throughout the day we laughed at the fact that being together saved us from taking in this news on the couch via group chat. Even more than that, being steeped in political news like this in person with your people is so special. If you read last week’s post about our planned activity of making our own eccentric art teacher necklaces, it was obviously derailed—the best laid plans fall prey to unprecedented political news, but at least we had rosé colored glasses (see what I did there).
Realizing we cannot always plan such a perfect day for surprise news, because…well, actually…we’re not THAT clairvoyant. But, we can certainly pay attention and relish in the times when the stars align (or a full moon is in the right placement at an opportune time) and we are handed a perfectly imperfect day.
And, for that matter, we can also do the work now to make sure a particular day—Tuesday, November 5, 2024—is one of joy and hope. Now that we know that VP Kamala Harris is the presumptive nominee, I will echo the sentiment that WHITE WOMEN need to show the f*ck up this time around—vote, donate, canvas, have the hard conversations—because a full moon in f*cking Capricorn will not save us come November.
And the people said AWOMEN!
White 58 year old Texan brat here and I understand the assignment. 😁