romance your platonic best friends
fall in love (platonically) and tell your friends how much you love them in as many ways as you can
I tell my friends I love them, regularly.
Sometimes it’s a simple “I love you” text or exclamation “seeyaloveyabyeee” at the end of a call. Other times, it’s gifts or quality time or other sentiments, like “break a leg,” “I’m thinking about you,” “your butt looks great in those jeans.”
My platonic female friendships are some of the most romantic relationships I’ve ever had. The concept of found family rings true, but for my best friendships, ‘found family’ doesn’t quite encapsulate the depth of the bonds. As a child, I witnessed the way my extended family showed up for each other, and this is how I have approached my friendships throughout my life. In my 30s, though, those friendships grew into something so vital—like sunlight, and laughter, and fresh air. That vitality is worth cultivating. For me, that means romancing my platonic friendships.
Merriam-Webster says to “romance” is to try to influence or curry favor with especially by lavishing personal attention, gifts, or flattery. Yes, exactly. Why limit sharing love and adoration to just your romantic connections? It doesn’t make any sense. And, this idea of falling in love with your friends—the feeling itself—isn’t unilateral. There’s no room for unrequited love anymore (not at this age, in this economy!). The reciprocated feelings make a friendship vibrant, fun, and supportive.
So, let’s treat our friendships with the gravitas and fervor they deserve…
Buy your friends audacious jewelry, or candles in the sweater weather scent because fall is their favorite season, or sweatshirts that say “Pumpkin Spice and Reproductive Rights” even when it’s not a holiday or birthday. Send them colorful flowers just because.
Write her a poem about how beautiful her hair is or how funny it was when she spilled guacamole on her silk shirt. Tell them how they are gorgeous mothers to their dog or cat or kid. Text her “I feel safe with you” or “Can I bitch a little” or “Can I come over and sit on your couch in sweatpants.”
Cook them a casserole or french fries from a frozen bag when they invite themselves over to your house. Add another vegetable to their plate because they’ve had a rough day and vegetables help. Suggest a big salad when they’ve been overwhelmed at work. Light candles when they sit on your couch for a gab session over wine and cheese.
Tell them you’re proud of them when they make a brave career choice or start a side hustle. Remind them you’re there for them when motherhood or conceiving is hard.
Name your pet after them, preferably using a middle name or nickname. Evil Sue rolls off the tongue. Profess your love to them over and over again. Tell them they are the queen, goddess, or faerie of your world. They may blush or roll their eyes lovingly, but do it anyway because it’s TRUE.
Hug them. Hug them again. Kiss their forehead or cheek.
Lean on their shoulder when you need to cry a little—it’s okay if you snot or run mascara on their sweater, that’s what laundry detergent is for. Print pictures of silly moments or candids from a good angle, not just the staged ones.
Spray their perfume on you just to sense their presence (especially helpful for long distance besties). Tell them they smell nice when you’re with them.
Pick them up and drive them around like the Passenger Princess they are—take them to a bakery for a treat and a coffee and then to their favorite bookstore. Browse the aisles and read them a stanza from your favorite poetry or a paragraph from your favorite obscure author. Take them to the theater! a concert! a reading! a workout class! Thank them for being there.
Gaze lovingly at them when they use their “pet voice”—you know, the octave-higher, silly-willy voice that you only hear when they’re chatting with their cat or dog. Hims the most precious. Who’s the goodest girl in the world.
Get matching tattoos. On a whim. While you’re at it, get matching outfits and wear them in public. Or, buy the same sweater and wear them in your respective cities—think about her when you do.
Put the fireplace to use and pull tarot for fun. Don’t let them spiral too long when they pull the death card—remind them that can mean the birth of something good.
Give them silver linings when they need it. Give them space to vent when they need it. Give them creative solutions when they need it. Not every time calls for every approach. Love them through it even if you don’t know how.
Facetime them on a Tuesday when they ask: do these jeans make me look fat. Because the answer is: no, babes, you look like a majestic land mermaid. you’re probs just hormonal, now go kick some ass. And they need to see your face when you say it.
If she’s a cat person, become a cat person. Trust her judgement on those tiny little regal devil angels. Let her dog give you face kisses or let him lick the lotion off your legs. Their ‘familiars’ are yours to love like a niece or nephew.
Commit her cackle or laugh-snort to memory. Know how she takes her coffee and what her favorite dessert is. Remember how she likes to celebrate her birthday or a milestone. Let her grieve the way she needs to when she loses a loved one or a pet.
Hold her hand when she’s sad. Hold her hand when she’s happy.
Hold her hand.
Say the words, I love you. And again, and again, and again.
P.S. I found a lot of inspiration from this particular poem by Lyndsay Rush (@maryoliversdrunkcousin on Instagram, iykyk). I love her work. Read more of her on her Substack or her newly published book, which I gifted to a friend for her birthday recently (i.e., practicing what I’m preaching).
I love this almost as much as I love you! THIS! THIS! It’s everything ILYSM
A love story between friends is one of my faaaaavorite genres that doesn't get depicted often enough. Have you watched Somebody Somewhere (HBO)? Such a gorgeous love letter to platonic friendship. It'll melt your heart in a thousand pieces and have you weeping from the beauty of it all. It's also crass and silly and meandering. In short, perfect.